Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
Integrating Parts Work to Experience True Healing & Growth
One of the biggest challenges we face in life is truly understanding ourselves – not only what we want and need, but what gives our lives meaning and joy.
When we’re at peace with ourselves, everything else in life seems to fall into place. But when we’re filled with internal struggle or tension, then some part of us is always left feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, or unhappy, no matter what we do.
So, how do we achieve the sense of self-understanding, internal harmony, and peace necessary to create the relationships and life we desire?
It all starts by understanding the various parts of who you are!
Inside every one of us exists a complex internal world, filled with various “parts” or sub-personalities, each of which plays a unique role in shaping how we experience life and relate to others, ourselves, and the world around us.
You already know this on a conscious and subconscious level … After all, how many times have you said things such as, “Part of me is excited for the future, but another part feels worried and unsure,” or “A part of me feels angry, but another part just wants to let it go”?
These internal dialogues and tensions represent the different parts of your inner system, each with distinct perspectives, emotions, and memories.
Unfortunately, while some amount of internal tension between our parts is perfectly normal, when we’re not consciously aware of our parts or their competing interests, their unresolved internal struggles can leave us feeling frustrated, confused, overwhelmed, and unable to move forward in our relationships or life.
But you don’t have to keep feeling this way, wondering why you think, feel, or behave the way you do, or living a life that’s at odds with yourself …
How Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Can Help
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy – often referred to as “parts work” – is a unique approach to counseling and psychotherapy that views the various parts of your personality as just that, a family system.
As an IFS therapist, my goal is to help you get to know and understand the various parts of your personality, open the lines of communication between them, and make sure they’re all getting their needs met, so you can experience a greater sense of self-compassion, internal peace, harmony, and resilience.
Of course, we’re all unique individuals. Just as no two families are identical, no two people have exactly the same sub-personalities or “parts.”
That being said, Internal Family Systems sees most of our parts as taking on one of three primary roles:
- Managers – Managers are the parts of us who are responsible for keeping order in our lives. They’re often proactive and can be perfectionistic or controlling as they aim to protect us from harm by keeping vulnerable parts hidden or at bay. Your managers are the parts of you urging you to be responsible, stay organized, work hard, and avoid uncomfortable emotions.
- Exiles – Exiles are the wounded parts of us who carry the emotional burdens of painful past experiences, especially any emotional or relational pain we experienced when we were young. Exiles are often filled with sadness, shame, or fear, and our manager parts typically try to protect our internal systems from being overwhelmed by these intense emotions.
- Firefighters – Firefighters are the parts that step in when our managers become unable to contain the pain of our exiles. The aim of our firefighters is to extinguish painful emotions as quickly as possible, often through impulsive or distracting behaviors, such as overeating, drinking, or other coping mechanisms that provide short-term relief but lead to long-term problems of their own.
It’s important to note that every one of these parts serves a purpose. None of our parts is inherently “bad” and even the parts that engage in behaviors you might wish to change are ultimately trying to protect you.
IFS Therapy and parts works is essentially a journey of self-discovery, in which you have an opportunity to meet and connect with each part of yourself.
In our work together, you’ll have the opportunity to:
- Identify and Listen to Each of Your Parts – While we may we start with the parts of you who are the “loudest” – those that show up as inner critics, defenders, or protectors – the goal is for you to get to know and listen to what every part of you is trying to say, so you can understand and attend to each parts needs, motivations, and concerns.
- Access Your Core “Self” – At the heart of our internal system lies the “Self” – the inherently compassionate and wise core of our being and who we truly are. The goal of my work as an IFS therapist is to help you connect to this core Self and create a Self-led system that allows you to interact with all of your parts in a compassionate and healing way, allowing you to feel calm, confident, connected, and clear-headed.
- Build Relationships with Your Parts – Once connected to your Self, we will work to build relationships with each of your parts. Rather than viewing these parts as “problems,” I’ll invite you to approach each part with curiosity and empathy. Even parts that have caused pain or distress, such as a harsh inner critic, have something to teach you when approached with an open mind.
- Heal and Unburden Wounded Parts – As you build relationships with each of your parts and listen to them with curiosity and compassion, you’ll allow the exiles to unburden themselves of the emotional scars from past traumas, fears, or unmet needs. And as you release the weight of their pain, you’ll begin to move towards a more balanced, harmonious inner world.
In other words, by working with you to cultivate a compassionate and curious stance toward your parts, IFS Therapy can help you begin to heal past wounds, reduce internal conflicts, and achieve a greater sense of internal balance and harmony.
Am I the Best IFS Therapist for You?
While IFS Therapy can be extremely effective in helping clients cope with anxiety and depression, heal from trauma, work through relationships issues, and improve self-compassion and self-esteem, no one approach to counseling and therapy works equally well for everyone.
This is why I’ve found a blended, holistic approach to counseling and therapy that includes IFS Therapy and parts work along with other psychotherapy modalities and techniques – such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Sensorimotor Therapy, Hakomi Therapy, mindfulness, and EMDR – to be not only the best way to honor the unique experiences, personalities, and needs of my clients, but also the most effective way to focus on whatever comes up in a given session, while offering my clients a comprehensive path towards healing and growth.
My role as an IFS therapist is to serve as your guide as you embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery, in which each part of you is seen, valued, and integrated into a balanced whole, so you can cultivate a richer, more resilient approach to life’s challenges.
Through a unique blend of IFS Therapy, somatic therapy, mindfulness, and other therapy techniques, I offer a compassionate approach to healing and growth that’s tailored to your individual needs.
Of course, the only way to really know whether I’m the right or best IFS therapist for you is to contact me, schedule an initial consultation, ask any questions you have, and see if we’re a good fit for working together.
While the journey is different for everyone, many of my clients have described the process of getting to know and reclaim parts of themselves they’ve long ignored or rejected while connecting to their core Self as healing, liberating, and empowering.
If you’re ready to do the work necessary to understand yourself on a deeper level, work through and resolve internal conflicts, break free from limiting patterns and beliefs, heal emotional wounds, and achieve a greater sense of clarity, acceptance, and peace, I encourage you to contact me today at 510-866-4781 or email me at eleanor@eleanorlew.com, schedule a free, 15-minute, initial telehealth consultation, ask any questions you have, and find out how IFS Therapy can help. I look forward to meeting you, but the person you’re really going to meet is you!