Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy
Better Understand Your Partner and Yourself and Create the Loving, Joyous Relationship You Desire and Deserve
If it feels like your partner and you are constantly arguing or, on the other end of the spectrum, it feels like the two of you have been growing more distant with each passing day and have nothing left to talk, I get it … and you’re far from alone!
Our relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives.
Our relationships define how we see and feel about ourselves, and they are vital to our mental, emotional, and physical health.
So it’s no big surprise that when our relationships aren’t going well – when they’re a source of frustration and disappointment, as opposed to bringing us satisfaction and joy – everything else in our lives suffers, too.
This is especially true when our relationship difficulties are with the person we love most … the person we chose to spend and share our lives with.
So what can you do?
The good news is that if you’re reading this it means you still have hope … hope you can repair and restore the vibrant, joyous relationship your partner and you once took for granted. And you can!
Both of you CAN learn to better understand and communicate with one another and reclaim the feelings you once shared. In fact, the feelings you shared can be even stronger once you really know each other.
And marriage counseling and couples therapy can help …
Why Couples & Marriage Counseling?
Despite the importance of our relationships, few of us have any relationship “training” other than what we picked up from our parents, primary caregivers, and others while growing up.
If we’re fortunate, we grew up in families with healthy and loving relationships that taught us how to create the same.
Unfortunately, this is far less common than you may believe.
And even those of us who grew up in “securely attached” family relationships may have acquired relational defenses due to other traumatic life events, such as being bullied in school, a divorce, or the death of a loved one.
In short, the vast majority of us have suffered from some sort of relational wounds – some lack of emotional and relational grounding – and those wounds continue to hinder our relationships until we heal them.
To make matters worse, many of us aren’t even aware of the emotional and relational wounds we’ve experienced or the defense mechanisms we’ve developed over time to protect ourselves from them.
So, while communication IS vital to the health of any relationship and a large part of the marriage counseling and couples therapy work I provide is devoted to helping couples improve their communication skills, even more important is your own self-awareness.
How well you communicate with your partner depends largely on how well you understand and communicate with your Self.
If you don’t know what you really want or need, then you can’t communicate those needs to your loved one.
And if you aren’t aware of your own triggers and defense mechanisms, then you can’t possibly relax them, set them aside, and truly listen to those you care about.
Accordingly, while I will help both of you learn healthier communication skills, the true power of couples and marriage counseling and therapy lies in their ability to help both your partner and you better understand each other and yourselves.
How I Can Help
All of our emotional wounds – and the defense mechanisms we develop to protect ourselves from them – occur in our relationships with other people.
This is why healing also needs to occur in the context of our relationships, and why the focus of all counseling and psychotherapy is on creating a healing relationship between the client and the therapist.
This also means that any relationship problems you’re having are an ideal opportunity for both you and your significant other to heal and grow … together!
However, in order to be open to looking at ourselves and doing the work necessary to heal and grow, we first need to become more relaxed, grounded, and focused on the present.
It’s for this reason that I usually start each couples therapy session with either a brief meditation or some other mindfulness therapy techniques.
From there, we may use a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and IFS Therapy techniques to look at the thoughts, feelings, and parts of you that lead to anxiety and stress, as well as use more body-oriented, somatic therapy techniques (such as Sensorimotor Therapy, Hakomi Therapy, and EMDR) to look at how different experiences make you feel – not just emotionally, but physically – so you can manage those feelings more effectively.
Why?
Because our thoughts affect how we feel, and how you feel affects how you think and react.
By being able to identify the emotions that accompany different physical sensations, you’ll start to understand your own emotional hot buttons and triggers, as well as when you feel overwhelmed by your partner’s emotional defenses.
And it’s this calm, grounded awareness that can help you feel safe enough to start consciously looking at and changing your communication and behavior patterns.
From there, we’ll work together to make sure your wants and needs are congruent with your thoughts and actions – that what you say and do is actually in alignment with your feelings and goals – as well as help you to:
- Amicably resolve any relationship disputes;
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries;
- Better understand and express your emotions;
- Heal any past relationship wounds;
- Learn to balance your professional, personal, social, and family lives;
- Parent more effectively;
- Improve your sense of trust and intimacy; and
- Connect more deeply and authentically with each other and yourselves!
Should You Seek the Help of a Marriage Counselor or Couples Therapist?
Once we get past the “honeymoon phase” – when everything the person we love does is wonderful – it’s not uncommon for the pendulum to swing to the opposite extreme. Yet neither perception is wholly accurate or inaccurate.
None of us is perfect. We’re all human. We each have our flaws.
However, your partner and you chose to be together for a reason, and the chances are good that there are a lot of positive things about the person you fell in love with that will help you see why you are in relation with that person in the first place.
If that’s the case, then it’s not too late to seek help.
Given how important our relationships are, shouldn’t you do everything you can to make sure yours is the best it can be?
If you’re ready to do the work necessary to better understand each other and yourselves, I encourage you to contact me today at 510-866-4781 or email me at eleanor@eleanorlew.com with any questions you have or to schedule a free, 15-minute, initial telehealth consultation, and discover how marriage counseling and couples therapy can help both of you heal, grow, and create the loving, joyous relationship you desire and deserve!